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When we embrace who we really are and begin to accept our limitations, we feel we have a spine. When we are ashamed of who we are, there's only one option for protecting ourselves; a brittle armor that keeps the world at a distance.Your true protection is found in choosing someone who is kind, giving, and accepting of who you are.Going to events filled with strangers is an awkward thing to do. But if you really want a good relationship, take my advice: Get out of the house—and don't make a bar your first choice.It's immeasurably harder than surfing the web in your comfy T-shirt. If you're looking for the person who will become "home" for you, start by looking in the best places.We can cultivate our attraction to kindness and availability, and as we do this, our dating lives dramatically change for the better.In a healthy relationship, it's important to understand your "flight patterns." The risk of love scares us all.
In time, you'll see with clearer eyes if this person is right for you. They will turn your dating life into an actual intimacy journey, a journey that leads both to love and self-discovery. But it's worlds better than the soul-scarring battle of trying to turn yourself into a "more marketable brand." There is a real battle to be won, but it takes place in an entirely different stadium than the one we've been herded toward!You have the right, and even the obligation to yourself to move on until you find the real thing. These "attractions of deprivation" are tricky and confusing.They often feel more like real love than healthy love does!Watch out for the tendency to devalue a new relationship with someone consistent, kind and accepting.
I call this phenomenon "The Wave", because like a wave, it can slam you off balance, yet in time, it will simply fade away.Watch for the traps inherent in online vehicles and then use them to your own advantage. Most of us have been battered so often that we've learned to stop trusting. When we hide our true self, we find ways to sabotage real intimacy because we're scared of being "found out." When we grasp for a goal by trying to reshape ourselves, we end up disempowered, diminished by a critical ideal that makes us lose sight of our true worth.